ready? quiet possibly yes. excited? not yet.
i'm one of those weirdos who counts down for events but doesn't have the pangs of excitement until the moment i load myself onto the airplane. i think alot of that comes from a history of focusing much of myself in my plans for "tomorrow" and, in turn, losing where i am "today". today i am still on outreach in san francisco. would i be lying if i said that this past month was a great huge whirlwind of exciting things, and miraculous happenings? yes, yes i would. truthfully, this has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. its been difficult spiritually, emotionally, and physically. i have found myself getting EXTREMELY frustrated with day to day things, with monotony. i have been fiercely fighting the idea that i'm not doing enough for His kingdom.
in ywam sf we are really focused on relational evangelism. that is building relationships with people and allowing discipleship to happen rather than just "converting" someone to christianity and leaving them alone to figure out their new life on their own. the thing i'm finding most frustrating is that building relationships is a hard thing. sometimes it means not physically doing anything and instead taking a step back, taking my hand off of the controls and letting God work, actually becoming vulnerable to God's direction. i am really bad at vulnerability.
so am i ready to go to thailand and vietnam and run away from this month of frustration? yes! do i understand that running away doesn't solve anything? yes! this season that i have entered into is not easy at all. i was reading ezekiel 47 a week or so ago and verse 12 talks about how these trees on the banks of a river find their nourishment from the water that comes from the sanctuary. the trees aren't able to fully function unless they are receiving the water that comes from that pure source. my eyes opened up. i have been relying so much on what i have been doing, where/if/when i have seen the fruits of my labor. i have been the source of my nourishment and quiet frankly, that is not working out so well. its such a basic fundamental that our satisfaction and fulfillment is supposed to come from the Sanctuary, the Source of life but it is a fundamental that i neglect on a regular basis.
so am i ready to go to thailand and vietnam and allow vulnerability and cravings for Him to be my source of satisfaction? yes! i am so ready to grasp a tinge of understanding in how to do that.
ok, so i have one more thing to tell you about. as most of you know i had to raise financial support to come to my DTS. while raising support my biggest prayer was that God would provide before i left for san fran. i did not want to be here trying to focus on this city and have worries of money in the back of my mind. God completely provided everything literally days before i left. however, some of my team are still in need of several thousand dollars. if looking at finances as a whole instead of individually, "collectively" we still need $5500 by wednesday at the absolute latest. if you or anyone you know would be interested in supporting some of my friends financially so that they could go to thailand and vietnam PLEASE let me know ASAP!!! email me at kelseereeves@yahoo.com if you have any questions! i also want to ask for your prayers for this!
thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
kels
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