new feature: finding inspiration

while being home in lubbock i've become reliant on outside sources of inspiration.

i've been such a nomad for the past 4 years that life in "stationary" makes my brain itch for more, more, more. God has been filling my mind and heart with so much in last few weeks. Many things i will begin sharing very, very soon. buuuuuuuut right now i want to open up a new feature to this blog. "finding inspiration" is going to be filled with the nouns that inspire me. don't expect alot of words but please expect pictures and sources.

:::

bye, kels

family status

is a phrase that has become how i, along with a few others, describe the bond between the group of people i got to spend life with while doing my ywam dts in san francisco. i have found God's humor when i look at the motley crew i spent the past six months of my life with. to say that i miss them would be an understatement. i am baffled to think that six months ago i began living life with total strangers. these total strangers however, were walking into a journey with the same expectations as me. we wanted to experience God and understand His truth more than ever.

i love that i can say those total strangers are now the exact opposite of strangers. they are family to me. we have grown to love each other through all of our flaws, we have wept with one another and laughed hysterically together. we've traveled the world and experienced pieces of God that have left me awestruck. i walked into 357 ellis street expecting to fall more in love with the Lord; i left 357 ellis street having fallen in love with God but also with the hearts of thirteen amazing human beings. man oh man do i miss them but its comforting to know that saying goodbye really only meant, see ya later.

oh and just a little bit of why they make me laugh hysterically

fall 2010, ya'll hold a really special place in my heart

Sawadee Kah, Baan Jai Daow

House of One Heart is exactly that. This community is so wonderful. My team and I were lucky enough to spend four weeks in this community while we were in Bangkok, Thailand. Baan Jai Daow [BJD for short] is a ministry dedicated to the discipleship of university students living in and around Bangkok. They provide students with low cost housing within a Christian community. Seriously, one of the most ingenious ideas EVER! They teach English twice a week, cook large family meals all of the time, provide bible studies multiple times a week and are staffed with self-less people who desire to see the heart of Thailand change. They also have an in-house coffee shop. This is where YWAM SF steps in J.

Every day we would go onto the campus and look for students who looked lonely, or looked like they were on a break from studying and we would strike up a conversation with them. After talking with them [usually laughing and desperately trying to figure out what the other person was saying] we would invite them to lunch with us or to grab a drink at the coffee shop. Once we would get back to BJD we would play endless rounds of UNO, Phase10, or Sequence. I don’t quite know how but these games opened up the door for several relationships to begin. Bringing students back to BJD with us also allowed for the staff to get involved and then pursue longer term relationships with the students.

I believe in all of my heart that the young [15-25] generation of Thailand have been called a generation of righteousness. While praying over the nearby university God placed Psalm 14 on my heart and more specifically verses 2, 5 and 7. This young generation is the generation in verse 2, they are the people who want to understand, who are tired of tradition and of saving face and are desperate for something they have never had.

Thailand,

You took me by storm. Your people are full of smiles and warmth; they were created to worship something/someone great and mighty. They have such a quiet nature about them but once a little bit of trust is formed their impact becomes loud. Thai people are a force to be reckoned with. Your food, well, it is epic. Who would have known that sticky rice and chicken on a stick could become a desired necessity in life? Your weather, the hot and the hotter, was a welcomed escape from frosty, foggy frisco. Your language is one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. The moments I experienced your people worshiping God in your language are moments I do not want to forget; there is such abandonment of self within their worship.

You broke me heart sweet country of smiles. Your intricate temples and devotion to an infinite number of gods stole my breath. Yes, those temples are so beautiful and I know they are your history and your identity but Thailand, “the God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands…being then God’s offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man”. You will be freed of the fear of man, the fear of being different. This God is different, He is life; He is joy in your heart and not just a smile on your face. This God loves every single piece of you.

Thailand, thank you for your simplicity. Thank you for desiring relationship over entertainment and for not being satisfied with the minimum given by the heart.

i'm back

and my whole world has been shaken to the core. the last six months of my life have been a whirlwind. life as i knew it in august no longer exists. life before san francisco and south east asia seems like some weird, faded memory that i can't seem to grab a hold of. i don't know if i can fully put into words my experiences or the effects of living a life that desperately longs for relationship. but i do know that the last six months were merely the beginning of the greatest adventure of my life.

its the final countdown!!

whew, we leave for thailand and vietnam in 10 days! people have been asking me if i'm excited or ready to go.

ready? quiet possibly yes. excited? not yet.

i'm one of those weirdos who counts down for events but doesn't have the pangs of excitement until the moment i load myself onto the airplane. i think alot of that comes from a history of focusing much of myself in my plans for "tomorrow" and, in turn, losing where i am "today". today i am still on outreach in san francisco. would i be lying if i said that this past month was a great huge whirlwind of exciting things, and miraculous happenings? yes, yes i would. truthfully, this has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. its been difficult spiritually, emotionally, and physically. i have found myself getting EXTREMELY frustrated with day to day things, with monotony. i have been fiercely fighting the idea that i'm not doing enough for His kingdom.

in ywam sf we are really focused on relational evangelism. that is building relationships with people and allowing discipleship to happen rather than just "converting" someone to christianity and leaving them alone to figure out their new life on their own. the thing i'm finding most frustrating is that building relationships is a hard thing. sometimes it means not physically doing anything and instead taking a step back, taking my hand off of the controls and letting God work, actually becoming vulnerable to God's direction. i am really bad at vulnerability.

so am i ready to go to thailand and vietnam and run away from this month of frustration? yes! do i understand that running away doesn't solve anything? yes! this season that i have entered into is not easy at all. i was reading ezekiel 47 a week or so ago and verse 12 talks about how these trees on the banks of a river find their nourishment from the water that comes from the sanctuary. the trees aren't able to fully function unless they are receiving the water that comes from that pure source. my eyes opened up. i have been relying so much on what i have been doing, where/if/when i have seen the fruits of my labor. i have been the source of my nourishment and quiet frankly, that is not working out so well. its such a basic fundamental that our satisfaction and fulfillment is supposed to come from the Sanctuary, the Source of life but it is a fundamental that i neglect on a regular basis.

so am i ready to go to thailand and vietnam and allow vulnerability and cravings for Him to be my source of satisfaction? yes! i am so ready to grasp a tinge of understanding in how to do that.

ok, so i have one more thing to tell you about. as most of you know i had to raise financial support to come to my DTS. while raising support my biggest prayer was that God would provide before i left for san fran. i did not want to be here trying to focus on this city and have worries of money in the back of my mind. God completely provided everything literally days before i left. however, some of my team are still in need of several thousand dollars. if looking at finances as a whole instead of individually, "collectively" we still need $5500 by wednesday at the absolute latest. if you or anyone you know would be interested in supporting some of my friends financially so that they could go to thailand and vietnam PLEASE let me know ASAP!!! email me at kelseereeves@yahoo.com if you have any questions! i also want to ask for your prayers for this!

thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

kels

backtrack: the honeymoon-weeks one & two

the very first week we got to ywam sf was very much an orientation type week. i really like to call this time period the honeymoon. we all came in bright eyed and ready for something HUGE. i had no clue what dts really meant except that i would be in the city of san francisco, learning about God & missions, learning about the city and what ministry looks like here, and where/how i fit in that mix. we started out learning all of the do's and don'ts of the base as well as of the tenderloin. we then moved into what the staff felt like the heart for the fall 2010 school was. God really put on their hearts the verse 2 corinthians 3: 16-18 "...and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit" and that is exactly what has been happening. God has slowly been removing our veils. as each week progresses the ability to see the glory of God working in each others life has been beautiful. walls have been broken down and there is an overall realization that we aren't asked to just believe in God, or even just know God, we are asked to be a likeness of Christ.

i will admit that when i realized i would be in "classes/lectures" most of the day i was slightly disappointed. i honestly had no idea what to expect coming here but going back to class was not anything close. that was silly though. we are a lucky group of ywamers because we get the chance to learn about the character & nature of God and then take that knowledge, allow it to transform our hearts and then go and do ministry/life with people literally right outside of our front door.

going into week two i was full of anticipation. i was so ready to get things started. our first speaker was Karri Manning. She worked with ywam kona for several years and is now a youth pastor in salem, oregon. She spoke on understanding the character & nature of God. she really stressed that the character & nature of God is one that comes from an insanely deep love we don't necessarily understand. it is not one that hinders growth but instead desires for us to understand newness, beauty, love and affection. in the garden God did not create adam to know the difference between good and evil. he created adam so that man would know God.

we also did an exercise were we listed things that the world tells us about ourselves, things that while God sees them as precious the world's view has tainted and made ugly. that is a powerful thing to do. i challenge you to try it. make a list of the lies you believe about yourself... i.e. you're not desirable, you're stronger, you'll never be successful, you are too successful, you can't be loved, etc and then sit and ask God what he says about you. during week two we had the opportunity to mediate on psalm 139. it says in verse 14 that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" or "fearfully set apart". God did not mess up. it is his character to be purposeful and it is his nature to always love you. looking back, week two was just a drop in the bucket for what was to come. i'm excited to finally be sharing all that He has done and all that i've learned over the past 12 weeks! be looking out for weeks three and four in the next few days.

awake my soul

i love journaling. i love journaling a whole bunch. it has become an integral piece in my prayer life and quiet times. in july i started a journal that i titled "waiting". it was specifically for the time between school and ywam. (its funny that i ended up hardly using it during that time. i wrote in it seven times before i began this beautiful adventure. seven times!! bleh!) i finally finished it at the end of october. the satisfaction that comes with writing the final word in a book that contains some of the most intimate words from my heart is pretty great. its like i get to physically close a chapter in my life. but before i close that chapter i like to go back and read it, go back and revisit what my heart was desperately seeking, what i thought God was teaching me, and what He actually revealed to me. the entry from september 13 is the entry that really started a desperate search for God in this city; september 13 is the day i came to san francisco. i thought i'd share this little piece of the last chapter of my life:

"awake my soul" is playing as i sit on the flight that carries more than just my body and my luggage. this huge bird that is taking me over an insanely intricate landscape is carrying me to change, it is carrying me to unknown, yet i feel completely aware and sure in this new set of footprints. six years ago i stood in the back of a church in lubbock, texas and heard a voice that was louder that anything i've ever heard. some people say You are in the details and that we should listen carefully, but God that day Your voice was loud and clear. you called me into a life that seeks to represent a love deeper than any ocean. six years ago you told me to go, you told me to do ywam. and two years ago you showed me the absolute beauty that is san francisco. you developed an insane love for a city that is broken and dying.so here i sit, in this empty row on this plane full of strangers, trying to fully grasp what it is i am doing. my head is telling me that i am completely insane and fear is pumping through every vein in my system. but there is something going on inside that is completely inexplainable except that it comes from you. i have such an overwhelming sense of peace. although my heart is about to beat out of my chest because of the demon we call anxiety, it is about to burst with love for a city i've barely met but feel like i've known forever. so God here i am, fully surrendered to you, with arms high and heart abandoned. God some people don't understand what or why i am leaving a life that is more than comfortable. but that is why. comfort breeds laziness sweet Jesus and you are better. "because you are luke warm, and neither cold nor hot, i will spit you out of my mouth... i counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire (rev 3:16-18)" and i am so tired of being warm. God that is one of my many prayers over the next six months. that you would begin refining me like gold in fire, that my identity would begin to be lost in yours. God you are better

and He is answering that final prayer more and more each day. while having 21 years of life sloughed off my soul is not pleasant it is so good. i'm learning that the more room i give Him to shine through my ugliness and the more i let Him pour light into the darkest parts of my soul the lovelier living life with Him is and the more i want pieces of Jesus.

lessons learned

so i'm writing this post out of guilt. i brought this blog back to life specifically for my journey during ywam but, as most of you know, it has been dead since september. can you forgive me? in all truth i have had no motivation to post anything. part of it comes from me being lazy and not wanting to put my experiences into words and part of it comes from me wanting to keep everything that is happening to myself. both are bad excuses, very bad. i'm going to change that though. i have roughly a month and a half left in SF before i leave for outreach in thailand and vietnam. so the plan is to get ya'll updated on the past two months of life and keep the updates going at least until december 30. so i've learned my lesson....i NEED to blog more, a whole lot more.

most of you know that i am a photographer but the funny thing about my time here is that i have touched my camera maybe once. perhaps i'm going through a bit of burn out or maybe i just don't know what to capture right now? i don't really know the answer to this major dilemma but i do know that God is doing some things in my heart involving my creativity. that requires some huge explanation i know, and that explanation will come....eventually.

so world, life has been busy and my desires are shifting around. but hold on to your boots cause you're about to experience all that is youth with a mission san francisco in the comfort of your own home.

its tha ________ weekend baby

so this weekend we got to explore the city. if you know me at all you know how much i LOVE adventures. we started the day out in Chinatown. The culture there is incredibly rich! we moved on to little italy and then took the bus to the Golden Gate Bridge. I thought it would be fun to walk the whole thing...its only 2.4 miles, no big. after that we went to haight & ashbury...MY FAVORITE PLACE IN THE CITY. that is where golden gate park lives and it is so amazing. it is filled with hippies and drum circles and all things wonderful!

on sunday we tried one of the churches here in the city. it was NOT what i expected. to say that i miss my Riverstone family would be the biggest understatement of my life. this place just didn't mesh with me, but we get try someplace new next week :)

today we got our first speaker. she is amazing. she is speaking on the character and nature of God. something i desperately need to hear about. i'll try to post more about that later this week. AND i'm going to try to post pictures soon!

ok i love ya'll

kels

here we are

well world, the bird has landed.

I got to the beautiful city of San Francisco one week ago and I am so in love already. Monday was a bit rough for me. My nerves were definitely getting the best of me. However, things here are incredible. I am one part of an 18 person team; one part of a system of Christ-seeking and Christ-loving people that have a huge heart to see this city change for Him.

Daily life is a little bit different then what i expected. Funny how that usually works. God always seems to have a way of taking what we want to see happen and throw that the window. I feel like He is just breaking down all things Me, so that He can step in. Fun right? So anyways, we go to class pretty much all day. This class is amazing though. We sit and listen to people who understand what life in the mission field is like, people who have lived lives that are hard but full of passion and grace. We talk about God and intimacy with Him.

My team is absolutely beautiful. I will admit that I regularly wish that some of you could be here with me, living life with me in this mess of a city, but I wouldn't trade these brothers and sisters for anything.

so here we go world. this adventure is starting and is not going to stop anytime soon.

i can't wait to share with all of you.

purgatory

i don't really know if that is the right title for this post but it certainly feels like it should be. Let me give you a little background:

for the past 3 years i have lived a very comfortable, exciting, friend filled life in the beautiful little city of san marcos, texas. this is where i went to college, where i "grew up" for the first time, where i started defining me. well, all good things must come to an end right? a week ago i graduated from the wonderful institution that took me to the city by the river, a week ago i put a period on the final sentence of one hell of a chapter in this ragged book called life.

for the past 6 years i have been heavily praying about joining a team with the group Youth With a Mission [YWAM]. 2010 seems to be the year of answering a huge call in my life. so with graduation came the insanely exciting reality of GOING. on september 13 i will be leaving texas and moving to san francisco, california to join YWAM.

and this is where today begins...where the waiting happens. i titled this post purgatory because honestly i feel like that is where i am. i am stuck in this place of waiting. after graduation i moved "home" to lubbock where life is NOT what it was 3 years ago. am i ok with this? with the moving part no, with the change of life after 3 years, yes. however i just don't know what to do with myself. i know this time is something really special for me and Christ. it is a time where i can really develop an intimacy with Him that i have yet experienced, however my heart really misses life in san marcos.

i feel like i've gone through an awkward break-up.

you know the kind; when you are still really good friends with the person and you carry a deep love for them but looking at them destroys your insides and you go through that akward time between finding yourself again and still wanting what was/is absolutely necessary. yeah, that's me and san marcos right now. i know had to leave...my call there was not permanent and my call to san fran is so strong. i just hate this waiting game.

so if you are reading this i'm gonna ask you two things. one that you would pray for this waiting period. that growth and intimacy would be the fruits of this and that my heart would not be jealous or bitter of the time i don't get in san marcos. two, that you would BE where you are..we are given today and today only, so please cherish that.

i love you

kels

pic [this is me in my fav coffee shop..learning how to wait]

a little bit of new

so this blog is about to change..like whoa!

I'm going to stop posting solely about work and start posting about life.

Right now work and life are one, and they are becoming even more the same.

I'm so excited about the next chapter in my life and I can't wait to share this journey with all of you [ok, maybe none of you]!!

get ready ya'll cause these next few weeks, and even months are going to be a fun ride!!

i can't wait to share this life with you.

work con't

kelsee reeves, 133, 2010

[hohm]

kelsee reeves, nick, 2010

kelsee reeves, billy, 2010

inspiration

so i fell in love today.

i fell in love with a fellow photographer who is doing things to change this world.

as some of you know i am graduating from college this august. afterwards i plan on moving to san francisco, ca to follow God into full time mission work. i'll be working with the organization Youth With A Mission.

As i've been preparing this new chapter in my life people continuously ask me what my plan is; what do i want to do with my life? if the choice were up to me i would say anything that will make me rich and make me happy. but i don't live in this world to satisfy myself. ultimately i see myself doing art/photography and combining those with mission work. basically, i want to give hope to the hopeless.

Esther Havens is doing just that guys. She is making art that speaks to the masses, gives a voice to those whose voices are usually muted and well, helps the blind to really see what's going on. and she does it all beautifully. if you have a chance go check out her work. you will be SO impressed.

these are just a few of the incredible images from Esther's website

sneak peek

[hohm]

kelsee reeves, lacey, 2010

this is another image from the series i'm currently working on.

meet lacey.

new series in the works

home[hohm]

a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.

any place of residence or refuge

deep; to the heart

for this next series i am focusing on the word home and what it true meaning to me. at this point in my life home does not consist of a building or a physical space. it is rather the people in my life who i continue to surround myself with.

kelsee reeves, lynnsey, 2010

its time...final images!!

so here they are...

all of the final images!!!!

a few final images

a few final images